this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
