I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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