Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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