I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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