i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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