I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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