Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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