Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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