and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
