i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
