Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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