Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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