I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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