who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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