How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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