This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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