Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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