Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
