Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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