We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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