worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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