Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
