Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
