Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize