I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its about making memories worth repressing
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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