I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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