the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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