my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
