"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
