dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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