:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
