The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
