my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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