I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
