thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
