Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
