You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I cockslap morals
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
