Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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