If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
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god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
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I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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