It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
