that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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