the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
