we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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