Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
