Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We're too hungover to prance.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
