You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
