That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
