I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
