ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
