thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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