So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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