does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
