Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
