your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
