can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
