I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
