my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
