So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
