i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
