Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize