I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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