I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
