ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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