You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
soo... how was my night?
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