dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
