3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
