If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
