i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
