I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
