You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
