I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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