Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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