At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
