My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
